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Grit Ball and the Frying Pan: How Should Women Fight Back?

Grit Ball is Madea’s preferred methodology for helping women deal with an abusive man. She teaches the merits of a pot of hot grits and a solid skillet to her nieces in Tyler Perry’s Madea’s Family Reunion.

When you consider that men are usually physically larger than their women, is a physical defense the best option for women in danger?

It is not.

First we must remember the words of Paul, who said this fight is not about flesh and blood but about principalities and powers working behind the scenes (Ephesians 6:12). Yes, you can feel every blow and see the fist and kicks coming but the real fight is being raged on another realm and that is where women must put their energy.

In the natural this may not make sense but we are spirit first, with a physical body to give life and expression to spirit. When God wants to deal with me, He does not talk to my body first…He goes straight to my spirit. When the devil wants to destroy me, he also knows the best way to do this is to literally have me destroy myself, so he too goes after my spirit. The devil has no power except for what I concede to him.

If you can believe that the only reason your husband or boyfriend is beating on you is because you conceded your power to him, then you have the makings of a fight worth fighting. We all have been given a measure of power, which is the same as choices. There may be many who believe they have no choice but to accept abuse but that is not the case. We all have a choice. As I have said many times before, you may not be aware of the choices from the onset, but just like with faith, if you can believe you have a choice, more options will soon become more apparent to you.

If your abuser is only using your power against you, then it make sense to take it back and stop the abuse. This is not done by getting a bigger stick or frying pan but by understanding when and where you lost the power. It is very important for me to write this as many women will never make the step to go to a domestic violence shelter, report the incidents to the police for fear of reprisals or being kicked out of the country because they are illegal, have their children taken from them or any number of things that seem much worse than being hit.

When friends and family ask, why doesn’t a woman just leave, they are thinking in the natural. Obviously if something is hurting you do what ever is necessary to make the pain stop. It would seem normal that a woman just packs her stuff and leaves. However this is most often not the case. Why? Because her spirit has already been broken. That is why it is so easy for her to accept that she must be the cause for the pain and so continue to do whatever is necessary to placate the abuser and find ways of fixing the problem.

In the same way that a woman doesn’t just leave, she most often never fights back with fists and nails. Her spirit and will to fight has already been broken and there is no sense of self-preservation kicking in to retaliate.

So how can a woman fight back if she doesn’t even have the will to?

As long as there is life, there is hope. She isn’t dead. Her spirit may be numb, her physical strength depleted but the fact that she is breathing says there is still a will to live. That will must be stirred up and given a chance to strengthen so it can create the right atmosphere to win a fight.

Can your will be strengthened with you still living with your abuser? Certainly.

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2 Responses

  1. [...] 16 2009, I posted an entry called Grit Ball and the Frying Pan: How Should Women Fight Back? As I reread the post today as I have several times since writing it, is the date on the post that [...]

  2. my only comment is even though i am not carribean. My mother’s family came from the south Georgia. I was taught to get your education and be a partner with your husband my first husband after five years wanted to beat me he got that frying pan without the grits and a divorce. I had the education to take care of myself and i am now remarried to a wonderful man. I teach my daughters, and my nieces not to ever give away your power to anyone.
    Yes I have a spirit, faith and love but God never said you had to be anybody’s doormat grit ball is still in session.

    Dr. Lisa Moore-Holmes

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